Let me start off by saying that the choice to be a stay-at-home mum or a working mum is very personal, and every woman makes her own decision after assessing the pros and cons. I am totally supportive of it.
But what I really cannot fathom is why every time a new mother or mother-to-be quits her job for her baby, it is called a sacrifice, which is then met with an an all-round approval from moms in similar situations.
Before you pile on the hate, hear me out. Yes, I agree that to pull the plug on a career that is speeding ahead full-throttle at the prime of your life, to stay at home and be a full-time mom is a huge change to one's life that requires a lot of courage to make. However, I can think of many reasons why people should stop calling this a 'sacrifice' on part of the woman.
Subjective Decision
Saying "I chose to quit my job and take care of my baby" itself goes to show that you have a 'choice' - and were not forced into it. At least, I hope not, for your sake. It was a life change YOU decided to embrace. Calling it a sacrifice infuses the act with an impending feeling of regret in the future on one's part and a continuous stream of sympathy and forced applause from everyone else. Letting people call it a 'sacrifice' does not lift you up, it makes you seem like a victim of circumstances.
Being Able To Afford To Sacrifice
The most important question involved is whether one can afford to make that sacrifice at all. After all, a job is not a hobby that you can let go because of other priorities. It brings home the bread, whether it is the man or the woman bringing it. The only two ways one can actually even begin to consider quitting one's job is if the husband's salary is enough for two to continue the same lifestyle AS WELL AS raise a baby; secondly, if both partners decide to tune down their expenses considerably. Otherwise, I cannot even begin to imagine how a family of two that used to live on two paychecks will survive on one, that too with an additional member.
Belittles Working Mother's Sacrifice
Terming a working mother's decision to quit her job as a 'sacrifice' and idolising it accordingly is belittling the many others who struggle on without the luxury of being able to do so. My parents had a humble beginning, and my own mother got back to her job after three months of maternity leave in the mid-80s, leaving me behind with a nanny, sometimes scrounging up pennies to be able to afford a tin of formula for me. She did not have extra to spare for a plush lifestyle, she did not have a choice to quit working. Does that qualify as a sacrifice?
Belittles Own Career/Passion
Forget belittling other working mothers, calling this decision a sacrifice belittles your own career and/or passion. Every woman makes her own choice, and I totally respect the ones who choose to be full-time moms. For them, it is definitely not a sacrifice they are making. However, if you have your eyes set on a career - and then you opt to be a stay-at-home mom, does not that automatically belittle your career? Does it not mean that you can 'afford' to leave it, in a quite different sense altogether? If you're on a hiatus, it's not a sacrifice. If it's something you can do without the conventional office desk and chair, it's not a sacrifice. Get back to it after a few years, or find other ways of pursuing it.
Perpetuating Stereotype About The Sacrificial Woman
When you make a conscious decision to quit your job and that automatically gets tagged as a sacrifice, you unconsciously assist in perpetuating the patriarchal stereotype about women being the meek, obedient partner - ever-ready to sacrifice her own interests for the sake of her family. And those women who refuse to quit their job at the insistence of their husband, family, or in-laws, come to be viewed as selfish, 'bad' mothers. Secondly, how many men - especially in India - are willing to be stay-at-home dads, if the tables were to be turned?
Passing Down Lessons To Offspring
The way you look at your decision now will have long-term repercussions as well. When your baby grows up, learns about the world and in all of their childlike curiosity, asks you about your past - what are you going to say? That you 'sacrificed' your career for them? How is it going to affect the way they view the world? Boys will grow up with an innate belief that the ideal woman sacrifices herself for others, and girls will subconsciously imbibe that very belief. Calling it a 'decision', however, gives the power back to you. And teaches the correct lessons to your kids.
Be a career mother. Be a stay-at-home mother. Juggle both as a work-from-home mother. Whatever you do, do it because YOU want to. Be proud of your decision. But do not call it a sacrifice. Give yourself the freedom to make choices, not the desperation to make sacrifices. Words are important. They are the tools you use to create yourself, build yourself, even destroy yourself. They can empower you or pull you down. In your eyes and in everyone else's. If someone asks you about the 'sacrifice' you made, tell them, "No. It was a decision I made."
